Typo Party!!!

This is simply too funny. Gotta love computer-generated WTF.

A Feast for Crows

A Feast for Crows

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Shebeen Club Reunion Party: Thursday, August 22

Typical Shebeen scene

Typical Shebeen scene

We’re BACK, BITCHES!

That’s right, Vangroover’s classiest literary gathering returns for One Night Only. Or will commit to One Night Only. You know how that goes.

This upcoming Thursday, August 22nd at 6pm, let’s meet up in the Shebeen and talk about old times and new times and, as ever, bitch about getting paid on time. If you’ve published a book since the last time we got together, bring some and we’ll let you show off. If you’ve gotten a new writing/editing/publishing gig since we last met, boast and we will applaud you.  If you’ve created an entire spoken word opera based on the Kardashians, please, in the name of Wagner, keep it to yourself.

Who’s welcome? Everyone except hostile drunks. If you’ve never been to the Shebeen Club before, well, it’s a group for practicing literati, whether they’re making a living at it or not. Writers, editors, publishers, book illustrators, printers, journalists, bloggers, poets, and not a few reprobates. They add a certain style to the mix.

Dress code: Dress writerly. Nobody knows what that means so you can’t get it wrong!

Pay for what you order, and don’t forget to tip nicely. We don’t want them getting annoyed with us after eight years, do we?

For the Facebook-dependent, the event is listed, and I quite frankly got so excited I blew $50 on Facebook ads. What can I say, it’s been a couple of years since our last get-together, and I lost my head.

Directions: the Shebeen is a “secret” pub, so it’s not going to have a giant neon sign out front. Go to the Irish Heather, 210 Carrall Street at the foot of Gastown in Maple Tree Square almost kitty-corner to Chill Winston. Go into the Irish Heather and straight through and out the back door. Turn right, because if you don’t you will walk smack into a brick wall. The door to the Shebeen is just a little ways on, on your left.

The Menu: no dinner special this time, but the menu is constantly changing and always high-quality. Don’t show up early, because they won’t be open yet!

Pay the Writer, GPOY edition

You know how, when a client doesn’t pay you on time, there’s always a story attached? You know that story? Dead gramma version, cash crunch version, whatever?

Cool story, bro

Cool story, bro

Tyee Master Classes for Fall

Get your Weegee on

Get your Weegee on

Got this from Facebook. If I were certain to be around for it, I’d take the investigative journalism one with Sean Holman; I kick ass online, but put me in an archive and it’s like something out of Encino Man.

Get up to speed on new media law, investigative skills or digital campaigning. Three new expert-led classes this fall.

For info on all classes: http://thetyee.ca/About/Master-Classes/

Peep the class lineup and spread the word!

Class #1
Date: Saturday, October 27, 2012
Instructor: Leo McGrady
Title: Responsible Journalism in 2012: The Changing Legal Landscape for Journalists
More info: http://thetyee.ca/About/Fall-2012-Leo-McGrady/
Class #2
Date: Saturday, November 10, 2012
Instructor: Sean Holman
Title: Finding Stories in Public Documents: Intro to Investigative Journalism
More info: http://thetyee.ca/About/Fall-2012MasterClass-SeanHolman/Class #3
Date: Saturday, November 17, 2012
Instructor: Bill Tieleman
Title: How to Beat the Odds: Low-Budget Campaigns that Win
More info: http://thetyee.ca/About/Fall-2012-MasterClass-BillTieleman/

All classes held in Vancouver at The Tyee’s newsroom (211 Georgia St. East). For questions, please contact Meaghan MacDonald at mmacdonald@thetyee.ca or 604-689-7489.

See you there!

Selah.

Clients from Hell: the Clueless Client from Hell

The Fraud Triangle

The Fraud Triangle

Occasionally one comes across a Client from Hell that you’re actually grateful for: assoholics who self-identify only seconds into the first interaction save the writer a great deal of time in the long run. First, it enables you to refuse to work with the person. Secondly, should you decide to go ahead, it enables you to triple the price before formulating the proposal.

Client: Hello! I am a much-anticipated brand new author and would be most humbled and honored if you would market my new book.

Me: I am happy to market anything you’d like. Just go ahead and purchase a service from me and I’ll get started.

Client: I was wondering if you would also be posting reviews to my book’s Amazon page? I am trying to increase my book sales, so I really need Amazon reviews.

Me: I don’t do fake reviews. I am happy to actually market your book and come up with a formal marketing plan for you.

Client: Why no reviews?

Me: Because if readers see that you have a bunch of fake reviews on your book, it will mean that they will a) not buy your book, and/or b) launch a war against your book because it has fake reviews. It is not in your best interest to go that route and I work on things that will actually build your reputation, not destroy it before you’ve had a chance to establish one. I’d be happy to build an honest marketing plan with you.

Client: That’s redundant. I have a marketing plan.

Me: Oh?

Client: Yeah. I will be getting someone to write Amazon reviews.

People get the marketing plans they deserve, sometimes.