Clients from Hell: the Clueless Client from Hell

The Fraud Triangle

The Fraud Triangle

Occasionally one comes across a Client from Hell that you’re actually grateful for: assoholics who self-identify only seconds into the first interaction save the writer a great deal of time in the long run. First, it enables you to refuse to work with the person. Secondly, should you decide to go ahead, it enables you to triple the price before formulating the proposal.

Client: Hello! I am a much-anticipated brand new author and would be most humbled and honored if you would market my new book.

Me: I am happy to market anything you’d like. Just go ahead and purchase a service from me and I’ll get started.

Client: I was wondering if you would also be posting reviews to my book’s Amazon page? I am trying to increase my book sales, so I really need Amazon reviews.

Me: I don’t do fake reviews. I am happy to actually market your book and come up with a formal marketing plan for you.

Client: Why no reviews?

Me: Because if readers see that you have a bunch of fake reviews on your book, it will mean that they will a) not buy your book, and/or b) launch a war against your book because it has fake reviews. It is not in your best interest to go that route and I work on things that will actually build your reputation, not destroy it before you’ve had a chance to establish one. I’d be happy to build an honest marketing plan with you.

Client: That’s redundant. I have a marketing plan.

Me: Oh?

Client: Yeah. I will be getting someone to write Amazon reviews.

People get the marketing plans they deserve, sometimes.

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